Scott is a recovered heroin and cocaine addict
My name is Scott. I am a recovered heroin/cocaine addict. This time around, I have been sober two and a half years. The torture of the addict is incessant and self-constructed. It is unremitting and touches every life around me. There is nothing special about me. Simply, I am an addict/alcoholic who absolutely loves to drink and get high. The first time I flipped an OxyContin; my first shot of whiskey – I knew I was screwed. I said to myself “I want to do this 24hrs a day, 7 days a week”. And so started my decent into the darkness. I was to know horror for the next 10 years. Horror that I would not wish upon my worst enemy – which in effect is always myself. Drinking and drugging stopped being ‘fun’ shortly after it began. Drugs were necessary to live.
I stumbled into my first treatment center at 19yrs old in Tully, NY. I was introduced to a world of recovery that I never knew existed. However, I didn’t think it was possible for me. I trudged around the lonely streets of Syracuse for the next few years. Mangled and looking for a solution I fell into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. I was impressed by young men who walked in a way that made recovery palatable. I dove in. Resurrected, I stayed sober for about 4 years. However, looking back I truly didn’t know what I was up against. Life became about entertaining Scott. I forgot where I came from. How quickly I was reminded. I picked up the needle and dove into the darkness as never before. I ended up in South Florida for another stay at treatment. To no avail. I was running the streets in a foreign state. I ended up in Nashville, TN – I’m really not sure how that happened. I tried pulling myself up by my boot straps. Self-will is an illusion in the face of this disease. Naturally, the darkness found me in Tennessee – it grabbed me by the throat and dragged me into one of the worst runs I would ever experience. The horror is unable to put into words. Those who suffer will understand. I was in full flight from reality; a mental defective. I was shooting speedballs in my neck and I had missed the vein. Shortly after I developed a “softball sized” abscess in my neck. Cutting off my airways I ran the hospital. After a long night the abscess was removed. I left the hospital with gauss stuffed in the open wound on my neck. Later that night I fell out on a futon. The blood from the gauss dried to the pillow. I rolled in my sleep and the gauss was pulled out. I woke with an open wound. Yet, I was convinced there were gauss still in my neck. I proceeded to open the wound in my neck further to dive into the wound with tweezers in hand. To this day I do not know what I was pulling out of my neck. That to me is pure, unadulterated insanity. The scar on my neck is a stark reminder that the past is real. A red gash on my neck to remind me what happens when I forget where I come from or better yet what I am up against.
By the Grace of God I was sponsored into a treatment center in South Florida. 29yrs old, no money, deteriorating health, bleeding from the neck and arms; God saw fit it was time for a new life. And so it was. I was separated from alcohol/drugs June 13 2016. Life in recovery looks polar opposite to what “I thought” it was “supposed” to look like. I pray it is the same for everyone else. See, I’ve come to realize that God is keen on giving you the secret desires of your heart. The courage lies in surrendering the heart to Him. Thus is the process of the 12 steps concerned with. The vine must be trimmed of dead branches – that are drawing useless energy – in order to bear the fruit that will recreate the life we crave. God is fond of the reconstruction.
The secret desires of your heart is what makes life worth living. A couple of years ago the thought came; spiritual centered clothing company. A brand with a purpose. A brand that screamed the spiritual message of recovery. Not shirts with “recovery slogans” printed on them. Not the “I am a Christian” shirts. A brand to bridge the gap. Now, I have NO business experience. I have zero idea what a clothing company would look like or where to start. However, the thought would not leave! More than that; it got me excited. Ideas were flowing in! 2 years later, I said “okay God let’s rock”. From the Grave Clothing, Co. was born July 2018. Each shirt has a message. Each customer walks with a purpose. Each person creates a community. Community spurs the movement. 10% of all revenue is used to sponsor addicts/alcoholics into sober living. These funds are specifically for those who have zero financial support and no insurance; circumstances many of us face. Many find their graves far too soon. We must learn what it means to cooperate with the Power that keeps us above ground! If I can give some advice to those beginning their journey in recovery: humility, humility, humility – we are in the action business. God is in the outcome business. There is nothing to figure out. You are not unique. Simply follow in the footsteps of those who have gone before you.
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