Megan lost her life to see how beautiful it really was

Hi! My name is Megan, and I'm a 30 year old drug addict. The first time I used crystal meth, I was 18 years old. I was trying to raise 3 children and live a party life at the same time. When I was 22 years old I developed severe anorexia. I starved myself down to 80 lbs and I started cutting myself to numb my pain.

On Christmas Eve 2008, I took a bottle of Lithium, Adderall, and Abilify hoping to end my life. That was the last time I got to have my children alone. After leaving the ICU, I was court ordered into a mental institution for treatment. I tried to lie and manipulate my way through it not caring about anyone or anything but myself.  I was blind to the horrible pain my suicide attempt had caused my family. Instead I pointed my finger at anyone I could. Anyone but myself, because in my head, I was the biggest victim of all.

Fast forward 3 years and there I was... dancing in a local Gentlemen's Club and smoking meth in the parking lot on my breaks. I hooked up with one of my meth dealers and ended up pregnant. I stayed away from drugs my entire pregnancy and was excited to have a fresh start at being a mother. But just 3 months after my daughter was born, I stopped breast feeding her so I could get high.

From that day, I spent the next 3 years wasting my life. I lost my parents, my friends, and my daughter. It didn't seem to phase me, I felt like I wasn't doing anything wrong. I made any excuse to justify my addiction.

Fast forward to today. I found healthy relationships through NA and recovery groups and I am now 153 days drug free. I haven't self mutilated in over a year. I have my parents back in my life. And my baby, who is now 4, gets to come home next month. It devastates me knowing the time I've lost, the pain I've caused, but I'm forever grateful that those around me loved me enough to abandon me. Had they not stood their ground, I would have never chosen recovery.

Everyday I thank God for this opportunity to have this beautiful life. I had to lose my life to see how beautiful it was. I won't spend another second of it wasted. There isn't a drug on this earth that could compare to the high I have when I'm with my family and support circle. I'm getting married to a wonderful man in a few months and we support each other to the fullest. Sobriety is never owned. It's rented nd rent is due everyday.