Meet Recovery Rockstar Monika

MY STORY

My name is Monika and I have been suffering with depression for over 10 years.

I have a reactive depression from my early teens and still suffer with is to this day but I have finally found the right way to deal with it after many long and dark years. Even though I am only 25 years old, I have a lot of life experience for my age which wasn't pleasant for most of my life.

I have no relationship with my biological father and although I was very lucky to have an incredible stepdad from the age of 3 to 13 - once my stepfather got divorced with my mother I was left completely on my own with my 10 years’ younger brother and a schizophrenic mother who also worked as a prostitute at the time.

From my early teens I had to look after my brother as my mother was gone for days "working" without telling me when she would be back.  If she wasn't away she was bringing all kinds of men back home and having schizophrenic meltdowns most of the time.

Being 13 years old I couldn't understand what was happening to my mother and my own frustration and depression was mistaken with puberty. I had no one around to support me and help me to deal with my mother and I didn't tell any of my friends because I was simply ashamed of it.

At the age of 13-14 I broke down and tried to take my own life by drinking nail polish remover and I have self-harmed myself only a year after that. I was only 16 years old when I finally started to understand my mother’s mental illness better and instead of self-harming myself I spend a year hanging out with Goths in my town and drinking every single day.

While I hated drinking I simply did it to stay away from home as much as I could. My mother’s mental illness was completely against me and it made her hate me with passion. Once I turned 18, I decided to move to another country the very next day after my school debs thinking I can escape from the "hell" at home but Depression followed me along.

I ended up in an abusive relationship which I managed to escape with a 5 months old baby in my arms. But still - being completely on my own with no family support and living in a foreign country was making my depression worse and worse so I decided to seek help for my child's sake fearing the history repeating itself and becoming like my own mother.

A CHANGED LIFE

I went to my doctor who at first prescribed me antidepressants but as I didn't find them helpful I went back asking for another type of treatment.  She then referred me to counseling which has changed my life.

In two months’ time I overcame my long time fears (such as getting schizophrenia myself) and most of my depression and although I still suffer with it on day to day basis - I have learned the importance of seeking help.

I realized how much talking about depression has helped me in my counseling sessions and once it was completed I wanted to continue the road of "self-help". I decided to write a Blog where I share my life experiences and very personal and raw stories from my life back home, my abusive relationship and my life with depression today.

I was completely amazed by the response I have received from readers online and by the fact that my blog posts are helping other people also suffering with Depression. Writing became therapeutic to me and is helping not just me but is also to bringing awareness to Mental Health.

Today I am studying full time and working at the weekends, I have a lovely home which I love, I have made some incredible friends who have become family to me and I have an amazing 3 years old little boy who makes my life complete and makes me smile every single day.

I didn't have to keep my depression to myself for over 10 years and suffer with it for so long but I was scared to tell anyone about it. My mission is to show people that talking about depression is not just important but it's also the best way to help yourself and other people who suffer with it.

If you would like to visit my Blog, see the link below:

Living With Depression