Meet Recovery Rockstar, Christine
My name is Christine. I was addicted to shooting heroin and coke for years. I was on the methadone program for 8 years and my life was a complete mess to say the least. In 2001 I got sober and for the first 18 months I just made meetings. I was miserable. A year and a half into my sobriety someone offered to take me through the steps and my entire life was changed for the better because of it.
Somewhere in the 3 and a half year mark I stopped doing the work. I stopped talking to God. Stopped asking HIM for help and started relying on myself for the answers. Not long after that I relapsed. When that happened I thought the worst thing that could happen to me was that I'd relapse, but it was so much worst than that. I lost much more this time than I'd ever lost before. I was out there for about 8 or 9 years. I couldn't stay out of jail, couldn't hold down a job, couldn't show up to family court for my kid (I lost custody of her), and couldn't keep a roof over my head if my life depended on it.
On Dec 6th 2014 my life was changed forever. I almost lost someone I love as a direct result of my using (that someone was 15 months clean and sober at the time). I was living in a house that drugs were being bought and sold out of by known gang members in the neighborhood. My husband was in a program and on a visit was shot and almost killed in a home invasion in which they were looking for drugs and money (neither of which did I have). For the first time in years my back was against the wall. I had to take a good look at my life and what I was about to lose.
On December 16th 2014 I stopped doing drugs and for the 1st 90 days I basically white-knuckled it just making meetings. Everyday I woke up wanting to die. I couldn't stand looking at myself in the mirror. The guilt and shame of the things I had done to myself and others was to much for me. When I could no longer take the pain of living life on life's terms and I was ready to stop fighting the process and finally surrendered once and for all.
I called my sponsor and told her I was ready to do the work (the steps). I didn't hold much hope for my recovery in the beginning but through the work I came to find a God of my understanding and a new sense of freedom that I have never had before. Through the work I have gained a new sense of self worth and confidence. And I have come to find that I actually love myself and the person I am becoming today.
Today I have 20 months clean and sober. I continue to make meetings and I take other women through the work which keeps me going through the work. Today I have a greater appreciation for my recovery and what it took to get me here. I no longer take my recovery for granted because I now know what it's like to lose it and how hard it was to get it back. I can't say that it was easy to get to this point in my recovery. There were many times that I just wanted to give up. But even on my worst days I tried to keep in mind that it couldn't possibly get any worst than what it was like when I was using.
I spent many years just existing rather than living. Today my life is beyond my wildest dreams. I don't have much, but I have what I need. Mostly that being my sanity, serenity, and my peace of mind. And today that is more than enough for me. I was once completely hopeless and now I'm hopeful for my future. My hope is that someone who is struggling knows they are not alone. I'm living proof that any addict can change their life too. Thank you for letting me share my story.