Meet Recovery Rockstar, Ceira

My name is Ceira and I am a recovering heroin addict. Growing up I was just your average kid. My parents divorced when I was very young. My father worked as a police officer and my mother worked for Ford credit. Both worked very hard to provide the most they could for myself and my older brother. My mom worked long hours and when she was off work spent the rest of those hours in night clubs as she was still in her twenties. My father at the time caught in infidelity during their marriage spent his free time chasing women. My brother and I spent the majority of our time in the care of my mother's parents. I guess you could say I never felt very important to either. 

As time would go by I hit those awkward preteen years. I remember a significant change around the time I was 11 years old. My mom sent me and my brother to live with my father and new step mother as she moved in with her new rich boyfriend. I felt completely abandoned and worthless. I fell into a deep depression and found that self harm was the release I needed to escape the pain of my realty. Over time it was too hard to hide this new habit and I was thrown before every shrink and put on every antidepressant on the market in order to "fix" me. When the cutting didn't stop my parents sent me to Teen Challenge. I was 14 years old. This would lead to further abandonment issues and PTSD from the emotional abuse I faced from staff. 

A year and a half later I got out and came home. Thrown into public school after being completely isolated for so long I no longer felt comfortable in social settings. I was consumed by anxiety and depression. I found pain killers at the age of 16. Here is where my life would take a drastic change. I found all the answers to my problems in one tiny blue pill. I was no longer nervous at  school and quickly became pretty well known. Whether the reputation was good or bad I didn't care as long as you knew who I was. This continued all throughout high school and I would find myself in constant trouble at school, home, and with the law.   

Fast forward a few years and at 19, I found myself pregnant and unable to control my use of pain killers. I managed to stay sober through my pregnancy by sheer will. I wanted to give my son the childhood I never had. I wanted him to know he was loved and the most important thing in my life. However, despite my best intentions that would not be how it would play out. I had my son in June of 2012. And by July I would try heroin for the first time. I still remember the sensation that went through my veins that day. Pain killers were a thing of the past. I had found the true source of happiness. By August my son would be taken from me and I found myself in my first 30 day program.

I wish I could say the story ended there, but some take longer than others and that is ok. My story is the story of a chronic relapser. I was the girl no one thought could make it. I had found my way to treatment 22 times. Arrested 5 times. Hospitalized from overdoses 6 times. I was hopeless, miserable, full of shame and guilt, and I was ready to die. I was 22 years old and I had made peace with death. As I sat alone in a dirty motel room, loaded my rig full of heroin and meth, I told God if I survive this shot I will get help but if you know I can't do this then take me home, because I can't go another day like this. I woke up the next day and called my mom. She picked me up and when i looked at her all I saw was a woman who was on the verge of giving up herself. Her face was worn from months of sleepless nights from worry and fear. That was the last day I would use. 

Today I have been clean and sober for 14 months. Through the help of my Lord and savior and the 12 steps of Narcotics Anonymous I am a new person. I was able to not only get clean but get off all psychiatric medications and quit smoking cigarettes. My relationships with my family (who went 3 years without speaking to me) have all been restored. Today I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, an aunt. Without recovery and my higher power those things would not be possible. I have the honor and privilege of mentoring other women in recovery and running my social media page on instagram @jesuslovesaddicts. Not everyday in recovery is easy, but every day is worth it. I fall short of the glory of God daily, but today I can look at myself in the mirror and be proud of the woman I am. If you are reading this today and you are like I was 14 months ago, feeling like you are one of the unfortunates who is incapable of staying clean and sober, I pray you find hope in my story. I pray you know that there is a God in heaven who loves you. I pray you never stop fighting! May God bless you and keep you!