Jessy is over 1 year sober!
"It's been 1 year since I last had a drink or a drug. I actually can't believe it! I decided to use these photos to reflect. The photo on the left was taken when I was deep in the grips of active addiction. I was alive but actually dying inside. I was underweight, my skin was a blue/grey color because I never saw the sun, my hair was brittle, my eyes sunken, my soul dead. To be honest, at the point I actually wished I was. I couldn't see a way out of the life I was living.
I didn't know how to cope in the world without being high. I had used alcohol since I was 15, pot pills and speed since 18, ice since 25, heroin since 33. I had been in and out of hospitals, detoxes, short and long term rehabs, but I couldn't get more than a few months up before I'd relapse and have to start the recovery process all over again.
One year ago I got into trouble with the law. It was so serious I was facing possible jail time. I think this was my final wake up call. I've spent the last 365 days rebuilding my life. Working so fucking hard to make sure I never go back to that dark and lonely place.
I am where I am today with thanks first and foremost to my parents, a select few people, treatment, determination, courage and a deep desire to change. And because the God of my understanding is mighty! I chose the photo on the right because now, at 38, I feel the best I've ever felt. I'm healthy and strong. Don't be fooled- I still have bad days. But today I am free from addiction, guilt and shame. After battling with self worth for so long, I finally feel free. I still hold a sadness within me knowing that a lot of people knew a very different Jess before I got clean, and that some people I dearly wish knew me now, don't. But today I have peace in knowing that the people who have stood by me and forgiven me, are all the people I need.
Today I am unapologetically me. No ego. No bullshit. Although it's scary being so open, because some people will never understand, I'm here to say to those of you who live with addiction and mental illness; You are not alone. There is hope. We CAN and DO recover. Today marks my 1st year clean ☝️ here's to hoping I'll be holding up two fingers next year!"