Jay is now 2,075 Days Sober
My story begins at the age of 11 when I wanted to be cool and started smoking weed with the older kids. For the next 8 years I was a "pot head". I said no many times to other drugs but was a daily "pot head".
I threw away so many opportunities from school and relationships to sports and jobs. My life started to change in a negative way after high school when the other kids started going off to college, and because I never applied myself in high school, I had nowhere to go. Eventually around the age of 19 the pot stopped working so I tried coke and ecstasy on a weekend only basis, which eventually turned into all the time.
I kept doing whatever drug was put in front of me until I was introduced to pain killers. At that time nothing else mattered except getting high and staying high. I stole from the people closest to me who loved me the most. I was working a construction job and hurt my back and BINGO, I could now get pain pills prescribed and do them "legally". I went from doctor to doctor getting as many as possible as often as possible and higher and higher doses; there was never enough.
Once the doctors thought my back problem should be fixed they stopped prescribing me pills and at that time I was fully addicted; mind body and soul. So the next step for me was methadone treatment. I was going to a methadone clinic for 3 years and at one point was dosing 190 milligrams a day. There was a point when I couldn't take it anymore so I started going down and made a plan to go to rehab and get help for my long standing issue with drugs.
While in treatment, the first week or so were bad. I got no sleep and suffered horrible aches and pains. I toughed it out and made it through 28 days in treatment putting 100% into group and reading and writing. As I was leaving, the counselors gave me one piece of advice; go to 12 step meetings. So when I got home I went to AA and NA everyday and listened to people and started learning a new way of life.
I got a sponsor and started being honest about my life and how I needed to change. We worked the steps and my life started to change for the better for the first time in so long. For so long my life was drowned out by drugs that I needed to drown my life out with recovery. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't feel love and gratitude for the people who helped me in the beginning and showed me a new way to live.
Today I have 2,075 days clean and sober and for this pill popping, lying, stealing cheater, it is amazing. I feel so much gratitude for the programs and the people in the rooms, without them I am sure I would be dead or in jail. All I can say to the newcomer is it does get better and keep coming back. The biggest thing for me was being honest with myself and others. I was never honest with anyone in active addiction. Today my life is full of love kindness and honesty, I work hard and take my recovery very seriously. I pray and keep all the AA quotes in my head on a daily basis,
"one day at a time"
"this too shall pass"
"keep it simple"
The HOW of the program is Honest Open and Willing, so important to having a solid recovery full of happiness and the ability to help others. I will end with this, stay humble and keep your ego in check! Having a big head in recovery helps no one! We are all trying to stay clean and sober one day at a time and all we have is today. God bless and keep coming back.