Jakee has found serenity in sobriety
I drank from the time I was about 12 to just last year when I was 28. Sixteen years was enough of a career for me and I am so glad I found the strength to find help and recover. It started with just garden variety adolescent experiments but then progressed quickly and I was unable to say no, unable to stop and my life spiraled out of my control.
In college I would black out almost every weekend, missing out on a lot of the experiences I thought I was having. Was I really as experienced and worldly as I thought? Does it count if you don't remember any of it?
I put myself in dangerous situations, lost job opportunities, said hurtful things and didn't remember any of it. I worried my friends and loved ones, I lost thousands of dollars worth of phones and cash as well as a lot of dignity.
The last night I drank I had an out of body experience. I watched myself ordering at the bar like I was floating above myself. Someone else, some demon in me was drinking more when I didn't want to. The next day I woke up in a panic, which was common, tearing my bags and house apart to find my phone, keys and wallet. That morning I also found a slice of pizza, not in a bag, not on a plate just laying in my backpack all over my Beats headphones. As comical as this scene is, it was the last straw.
I burst into tears and fell to the ground. I surrendered right then and decided I could not go on this way. After calling my brother and telling him I thought I needed help he suggested I go talk to a therapist who in turn directed me to AA.
By going to frequent meetings, at least once a week, talking and fellowshipping with my sponsor and other alcoholics and by doing service for others, I am able to stay sober and remind myself of the person I was before and after.
AA has not only gotten me sober but it made me a better person. I'm a more reliable employee, a kinder and more honest friend and much better daughter. All of my relationships have improved.
What I have learned is that gratitude is just the wonderful gift to be able to see things from another perspective.
Some of the people I thought were my support system, some of the places I counted on and went to constantly, and some of the things that I thought were important...have shifted. But all for the better. I am happier, and everyone especially me - can tell.
I am better than I was yesterday, and definitely better than last year. Progress - not perfection is now my mark of true success. I want to send out a message of non-judgemental hope, that if life has become unmanageable and feels hopeless - there actually is a solution, and I am living proof that it works if you stick with it. At first I felt shame to have this affliction, but not anymore. Now, I am happy and I am proud and I am grateful that I have the chance to help someone else. Wishing you all the serenity I am lucky enough to have found.