Things got much better for Gabby when she got clean

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My name is Gabby and I'm an addict. I've been struggling with addiction, depression, and eating disorders since I was 9. I grew up in a pretty good neighborhood, with a pretty good family, but I felt like am outcast. I was chubbier, and not a pretty as everyone in my school. I was bullied, a lot. I started starving myself pretty young, about 7 or 8 and then started to throw up my food because I liked to eat too much to starve. That soon wasn't enough to make me feel better. I used for the first time and cut for the first time on my 9th birthday.

By 17, I was using all the time. I got kicked out of my house over 4 times, kicked out of school and was using, cutting, purging everyday. My life was a mess. I was spiritually broken. I lost my family and my friends. By 20, I had been in 5 psychiatric hospitals after 3 failed suicide attempts while loaded. I finally reached my low, and I realized I needed help.

I started going to meetings and basically hating it. I got 43 days and went out again. Lost everything, again.  My last hospitalization was a 4 day detox and then home I went. I started going to meetings, got a sponsor and started working the steps. I dove right into recovery. I attended meetings regularly, sometimes 2 a day. I was so scared I would relapse again.

I work really hard to stay clean.  I have a job, I have a car, I'm not shoving all my money up my nose. But most importantly, I have my family back and I have friends who actually care about me. I don't go to sleep at night hating my life and wanting to die. But don't get my wrong, I still get depressed. Everything isn't butterflies and rainbows, but it's better now, different. I'm not alone now. Things got so much better for me. I am happy most days.

In my opinion if you work the steps and get a sponsor and work on yourself things can't be worse than they were while you were using. I'm a nanny, and get to watch my baby niece grow up and teach her how to walk and talk. I have family who trusts me. I have amazing friends who don't just talk to me when they need something. I have an amazing relationship with my mom. I make a steady income. I still want to use sometimes, but instead of using, I reach out to my amazing friends and support group. Sometimes I have to stay in my room to assure myself I won't use.  My life is amazing now.  I know I don't have to use ever again, no matter what.