Bri kicked the dope and now is providing hope!
On September 9th 2016 I was booked in local jail after bailing out the day before on 9 felony warrants for stealing over $50,000 in stolen checks, stolen property, drug charges and conspiracy which totaled in 37 charges 10 being out of state. I had been speeding to the jail with no license to bail my boyfriend out and picked up with my sister while carrying heroin and paraphernalia.
I was 21 with a young daughter that had been with my mother while I did and sold thousands of dollars worth of heroin by injection. I had to sit four months in jail and think a lot, the best feeling was after kicking dope cold turkey no one could get me in that cell ; not heroin and no person. God was my only contact while in isolation, and I had never been more free.
Previously to this, I had hooked up with a lot of messed up people, had a domestically violent relationship since high school, lost multiple jobs as a can and been to 14 rehabilitation centers that were mostly insurance fraud in Florida; buying and selling addicts like myself with drugs for kickbacks. I had also been homeless and endured rape and watched people die while in Florida on the streets, I came from a small town in western New York with barely enough people to show up on the map.
I was put on drug court and put through a year of rehabilitation, when I completed multiple treatment centers and halfway I got home to my now three year old and managed to get into nursing school after a spur of the moment decision to take the entrance exam while in halfway . I was accepted one week before it started with felony charges and being on probation and drug court which meant countless appointments . I got in an argument with the judge and threw my purse at him which caused me to sit a week (nothing compared to four months) and was put on probation at school as well. I also had probation in another state.
My grandfather became ill and I became one of his main caregivers and also managed to renew my cna certificate and get a job at one of my old employers which was a miracle in itself. By the end of that year I graduated school with honors and a 93 average (top ten of the class) , finished drug court and was blessed to have so many people write the state that all my felonies were dropped to a disorderly conduct (violation) to get my nursing license. I passed my boards and was given a small amount of trouble over the other states probation but after some work references and letters I received my license in November. An hour later I found out my sister had relapsed on heroin and died.
I can’t tell you how happy all my work on myself made me, but in that moment none of it felt relevant and I would have given all the love I got away to reverse those news. In that moment my progress felt like nothing, but it might have saved my own life. She was in recovery since she went to jail on conspiracy charges associated with my stolen checks; that day she was let off probation, told the judge “you saved my life today” , went home and took off to the dealer alone. I felt her die, as I was driving I felt my body become sensitive and dense, I was sure it was my best friend that died three days prior visiting me, but it was my sibling.. she was 20. Truthfully I believe my higher power gave me the good news prior to Her dying so I would have so many reasons not to relapse.
I speak to kids on these things at big schools in buffalo on behalf of kids escaping drugs and was featured in a movie with my sister prior to her passing. Mentally I have gone through a lot of grief and trouble while sober, but I do try to help others when I’m down, go to meetings, or even write. I’ve been in and out of a rehab romance that lasted two years and became violent, so my life hasn’t been all miracles but I promise you every step is a step and every seed grows in time so even if you cannot listen to these words and get better now, one day recall this message and get the help you need. Remember you are human, humans make mistakes, but if you try more each day you are winning the fight. You may not think you’re sick, but that’s the disease and to a level we all are and we all deserve to be the best version we can be. If this story made a part of you move, or a tear fall from your eye, or a thought come to your mind, let me be a light to follow, that is the reason I am still alive.