Armin can now function in everyday life
The reason I'm posting this is not to get pity, but to explain the horrors behind eating disorders to hopefully prevent someone else from traveling it.
Even though mainstream media glorifies skipping meals and purging as a healthy way to lose weight, it's not. I've been sick for years and it has taken a toll on me. I physically can't do as much as I used to. I get tired easily no matter how much I sleep. If I stand up and walk up stairs or even walk normally I get dizzy. Eating feels like I'm filling myself with rotten milk as it makes me feel sick. It's not good.
I've been this way since I was 8 with skipping lunch. Ever since the first day of kindergarten I was called fat and I began to believe it. I was 95 lbs at the time and that was bad. It started getting worse when I was 12. What started as just skipping lunch, turned into breakfast and lunch. I starting drinking weight loss shakes my step-mum was a sales representative for. I began to watch the numbers grow no matter how hard I fought to stop them. 120....130...140...158. I thought my life was over. I was very mentally ill on top of everything else. I used cutting and suicide attempts as my way to try to escape reality and the numbers. I was bullied a lot for being gay, energetic, adopted, and eventually transgender. I hated everything and I didn't expect to see the end of high school, let alone my 16th birthday. I kept falling deeper and deeper into a hole I couldn't escape.
When 2016 came panic set in. I had only 4 months to die before my 16th birthday on the twelfth of April. In January and March I was in hospital again. During my January visit I wasn't admitted as they had no space so I was put off unit until I was put in a stabilization program. Part of my treatment was a day treatment program which would take months to get into. Eventually by March, I had a therapist and got out of a community psych unit. May came along with another hospitalization where I got let out in July. I got the orientation call for the program and started it.
I'm 16 now. I was 158 lbs in May/June and I'm now 128 or less. Another thing about my eating disorder is I'm always cold as my body has nothing to create heat with. I'm luckily to have been caught and referred for treatment before I dropped under healthy weight and could of become deathly sick.
Three months have passed. I graduated the program and am back at school and am going to be seeing an eating disorder specialist. They got my BPDT (Borderline personality disorder traits), adjustment disorder, anxiety, and ADHD controlled on medication. I can now function in everyday life and have seen what I could have lost and it terrifies me. I am going to do my best to get better. Not just for me, but for the people I love.
Please if you ever think about any of these opinions as a way to lose weight, tell an adult or a doctor near you. If your not able to talk to your parent/guardian or doctor message me and I'll find someplace for you in your area. Please please please don't do this to yourself. It isn't worth it.