Ali has overcome her battle with addiction
Your wound may not be your fault, but your healing is your responsibility.
The picture on the left was taken during the lowest point of my life. I had been abusing pain pills for about 6 months and was in the early stages of my heroin addiction. I was also experimenting with whatever I could get my hands on, meth, cocaine, Xanax, benzos, pills I couldn’t even identify.
My addiction is something I thought I’d never be able to recover from. I truly believed it would kill me, and the sad part is I was okay with that. I had come to terms with it, because at least I’d go out high.
I was severely depressed and beyond miserable. I’d wake up violently sick every morning, sobbing and asking why I do this to myself. Then I’d swallow my tears and tell myself to get up and go find some drugs, because if I did that everything would be better. Every day was a never ending cycle of self destruction.
I was terrified to quit, terrified to change, terrified to be happy. I couldn’t remember what happiness was like. I couldn’t change because I knew it wouldn’t be easy or comfortable. But nothing good comes easy.
I’m actually not entirely sure what finally clicked in my brain to make me stop. Maybe it was the 2 overdoses that nearly killed me, maybe it was the remorse I felt over pawning my late mom’s jewelry just to get a fix. Maybe it was sitting in jail, detoxing and feeling like my bones were shattering with every move I made. But, ultimately I decided that my life didn’t have to be this way and that I had the power within myself to change.
Today, I haven’t touched heroin, pain pills or meth in 5 years. I still continued to drown my pain in other drugs, mainly cocaine, alcohol and weed, until 5 months ago, and still felt reliant on alcohol up until 2 weeks ago. It has been a long and painful process for me, but I did it! I’m now 2 weeks sober and I feel stronger, healthier and happier with each day that passes. Even if I have a rough day and get anxious and upset, I’m just thankful that at least I’m not numb anymore. And at least I’m alive to feel those things.
For anyone struggling with addiction, it IS possible to stop. Please don’t make the same mistake I did and convince yourself that you can’t change or that you don’t deserve to change. It is so satisfying and empowering realizing how strong you are and that you can go through hell and still come out on top. You are capable of being sober and happy. You DESERVE to be sober and happy. You are not alone. Ask for help. Give yourself the chance at a happy, fulfilling life. You’ll be so thankful you did. You are all warriors.
Thanks for taking the time to read my story,